Christmas holidays Honeybee TPR

The last visit of the year

Merry Christmas for Honeybee’s social worker

Earlier this morning, Honeybee and I were visited by Honeybee’s social worker for her last visit of 2014.  As usual, we chatted about how things had progressed with our Honeybee, how big she has gotten, how she is dealing with the RSV and breathing treatments.  We spoke about how she is becoming such a big girl and how she is progressing in those minor developmental delays I wrote on a few weeks ago.

Honeybee smiled, played, laughed, and had a great time.  She showed off her new skills of waving and picking up cheerios.  Afterwards, we discussed the progress or lack thereof in Honeybee’s TPR hearing. FatherWinter and I are certainly looking forward to the day where we can call Honeybee our daughter and it be true in every form, not just our heart.

It was a bit of a disappointment to acknowledge that during this Christmas holiday, we still have the moment of worry.  This will be Honeybee’s first Christmas.  I hope it won’t be her last with our family.  I must admit thoughts of the upcoming TPR appeal hearing do not fill me with a warm and fuzzy.  Still I trust that God will have His way in all things.

I find myself thinking of her birth mother a lot today.  I wonder if she is thinking about Honeybee.  If she wonders what she looks like, how big she has gotten.  Does she imagine what she would be getting her for Christmas?  Does she cry from missing her?

I wonder if every holiday will be like this.  Will every moment have me thinking of Honeybee’s birth mom and the emptiness she may be feeling?  I wish I could reach out to her and let her know that I think of her often, that I am loving Honeybee with every breath in my body.  Right now, we can’t communicate.  It’a frustrating, but I understand the reasons.  Still I hope she knows that someone is thinking of her in the most positive of ways right now.

In a thoughtful frame of mind…

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