CIBH Honeybee

The perception of slights…

I was blessed to take the kids to my hometown this weekend.  I was so excited!  I hadn’t been home in several months and everyone was itching to see Honeybee and Superbug.  So, I packed up the car, kissed FatherWinter, and down the road we went.  We had a wonderful visit that  can be read about on the main blog until church on today.

My church is small in size and membership, primarily because we grew up in a small town and because it’s a family church.  About 90% of the membership is my family.  Any way, prior to church everyone was smiling and happy surprised to see us there (we’d kept our arrival a surprise for the elders).  In the midst of the smiles came a cousin whom I hadn’t seen in several years.  There has been no reason, no malice or anything.  I rarely see her and even when I lived in the same town as her, we didn’t speak that often.  She is older than I by about 20 years and was usually in the workforce or on a trip.  But I was always glad to see her.

Well, in the midst of all the hugs and smiles and re-introducing our Honeybee to the family, she comes up and says, “well, where did she come from” referring to my daughter.  I didn’t like the tone, and subconsciously I felt my hackles raise.  [But] Nevertheless, I turned and politely wished her hello and an embrace as I hadn’t seen her in several years and was genuinely pleased to see her.  In response, I received “I didn’t know you were in town and I didn’t know you had a baby”.  Now, everyone in the family including those on her side were aware that FatherWinter and I were in the process of adopting.  She’d even liked a social media status about my daughter and again several months later later when we started fundraisers to offset some expenses.  I informed her that we’d been blessed with Honeybee since she was 1.5 weeks old and she was about 10 months old now.  To which she replied, “well, no one told me.  I guess I’m not on FB enough”, abruptly turned and walked away.

I was…annoyed.  I was really annoyed.  Honeybee has never been a secret.  We celebrate her often, but you know what; we live, work, and play in a different state.  It isn’t our responsibility to contact you to make sure you got the news you feel you should have received.  We love each other and we are truly family, but I don’t tell my family everything.  And, I’m a firm believer that communication goes both ways.  If you were really that concerned with what was going on with my little core family, I’m sure a telephone would have assuaged any of your fears.

Fortunately for me, the pallor of that moment was short lived as the service started and I completely forgot about the conversation until service was over.  I was reminded that this cousin is dealing with some personal things and sometimes feels that family slights her.  I can understand.  We haven’t nor do we plan to ever slight anyone, but I do feel that the expectation of information when no requirement exists is presumptuous.

Do better.  I’m just saying. Am I wrong for that thought?  I mean it does seem a bit ironic that my post sounds off on the perception that we have to share information when this blog does exist for that purpose.  However, in the same breath, I am cautious about how much I share–not because we are keeping secrets, but because of the delicacy of certain intricacies within our Honeybee’s story.  It is not yet a completed chapter, nor am I in a hurry for a conclusion solely for the purpose of someone else’s interest.

I suppose there will always be someone who isn’t pleased by something that I’ve said done or thought whether I actually did so or not.  Knowing that keeps me grounded. Recognizing that I can be grounded and devoted to what’s in the best interest of my family will always be my claim to fame.

Have a great day everyone.


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