Missing Mama

Two years ago, I received a phone call that I’d been expecting, but dreading.  On the other end was confirmation that my great-grandmother had just passed away. A victim of Alzheimer’s and dementia, she’d finally transitioned from this world of lost memories, pain, and was now at rest. I, on the other hand, was devastated.  I knew she was in a better place, but my great-grandmother was a driving force in my life.  I felt as if I were losing my world.

My great-grandmother (Mama)

My great-grandmother was an amazing woman. She raised me from three weeks of age until the day I left the home for college.  This woman sacrificed for me on such a major level.  She made sure there were home cooked meals on the tables every evening.  She woke up early in a home where there was only a wood-burning heater to load it every morning and make sure the home was toasty when I woke up.  She raised her children, her children’s children, and her children’s children’s children. She did it with a smile.  When I couldn’t breathe because of asthma, well before nebulizers, Mama heated a hot plate, boiled water on the eye, and allowed the steam to open up my air passageways. She gave words of wisdom and taught me the love of Christ from a very early age. I loved this woman and miss her everyday.

Mama while I carried Superbug

Mama and Superbug when he was a baby

Mama and I before Christmas service

As Mother’s Day rapidly approaches, I am struck by how much more her absence is noticed now that I am a mother to Honeybee.  I see the personality of my daughter.  I see her grow into her own little person and I wish I could pick up the phone and call Mama.  I wish I could ask her if I liked to hop crawl or if my hair was sparse in the beginning. I wish I could listen to the memories of who I was as an infant.  I wish I could relive the telling of the day I arrived on the farm some 30+ years ago.

My Superbug had the benefit of being held and prayed over by my great-grandmother.  Though she didn’t remember him and her interactions were limited, she got to see him grow from newborn to a sic year old.  She would smile when she saw him.  Her eyes would light up when he came near.  Mama always loved children.  They gave her youth and energy.  I often wonder the impact her love would have had on him as he grew.  How many cookies and cakes would she have baked for him.  How many meals would she have liked to have prepared.  I miss her.

I like to think that Mama got to meet Honeybee while she was in Heaven.  I like to imagine that God gave her permission to meet our Honeybee, to hold her, to introduce herself to her.Maybe Mama told her a few stories about me when I was a little girl. Maybe Mama told her that she was going to a wonderful family where love would be plentiful.  Maybe my baby girl got meet her great-great grandmother before she came to Earth.  It’s a beautiful thought and puts a smile on my face.

Mother’s Day is rapidly approaching.  I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to be raised and loved by this woman.  She contributed to the woman I am.  I am truly blessed by that knowledge.

-WinterMommy