Merry belated Chistmas! I’ve been trying to get to this blog for a couple of days now, but it has been nonstop and crazy here. First, we hosted my husband’s family’s Annual Christmas Eve fellowship. It was wonderful. Twenty-four people, tons of food, gifts for S.’s mom who is currently fighting a terminal illness (but she’s fighting and we are fighting with her), and great conversation. Unfortunately, it wasn’t over until 3AM and S. and I hadn’t wrapped gifts yet. So, for the next two hours, we wrapped and placed gifts under the Christmas tree. There weren’t a ton, but the wrapping was pretty extensive lol. S. and I didn’t lie down until 5 and the family didn’t move until 9:30 AM.
Christmas and Honest conversations
I did our traditional Christmas brunch and we waited until afternoon when other family members stopped by before we opened gifts. It was a great time…until the virus hit.
I got hit by a massive stomach virus that had it coming from both ends. I recognized it as the same virus that had hit my hairdresser’s home about two weeks ago. She told me they’d been around someone with the same two week prior. Made sense with the whole two week incubation period.
I was pretty weak and only just started taking crackers and water this afternoon. It was also this afternoon that my husband and I had some earnest and honest conversations.
It started with our talking about how successful the Christmas Eve party was and somehow we got on the subject of pregnancies. Don’t ask me how. We usually don’t discuss them. But this time we had honest conversations about how many pregnancy announcements there have been since S. and I have started out #TTC journey. In almost four years, we’ve had literally hundreds including simultaneous announcements of two sisters. This Christmas we’ve seen the birth announcements of two friends who delivered on Christmas Eve. Last week I was informed a colleague is expecting at 5 months. She’s skinnier than a twig lol. It’s something to be sure.
There have been tears, angry moments where I cried in showers and parking lots. There have also been countless celebrations for the same persons. We’ve genuinely been excited and happy for the announcers, but it didn’t take away from the pain that we weren’t conceiving.
S. said one simple phrase and it made me feel better. He simply said, “One day it will be our turn”. That meant a lot to me because we never address the elephant in the room. We don’t talk about it. We just keep hoping and praying that God is going to let this month be our month. We held that attitude for our IUI. We were disappointed, but not defeated. It will happen.
S. even talked about how we would announce our pregnancy. He wants to have a party and announce it there. I wouldn’t mind that. I hope we can do it soon though. I don’t think another four years is feasible.
For now, we’re working on TTC naturally until we can figure out where we can find 20K for an IVF treatment. Sigh….why does it cost so much to become a parent. And why do insurance companies now cover abortions but not fertility treatments. Sigh, that’s a subject for a different day.
Have a great evening. Merry belated Christmas. Happy Holidays.