Things are not okay. They simply aren’t. I’m not being polite about it. I’m tired of glossing it over. Things are not where I’d like them to be. Tonight is Good Friday. While I should be at church with my family, I am sitting here with nausea and depression. I am quite sure my thyroid has lost it’s mind and I need my lab test results to confirm that.
It’s been ridiculously busy here. I’ve been staying late at work every single day this week. Then I’ve come home and have had to leave again for rehearsals and practices and so many other things. I’ve been run down, fatigued, and less than attractive even to myself. But even worse is my mood swings.
I’ve been so angry. Everything makes me heated. S. and I had a row last night because he wanted to continue a disagreement we’d had earlier in the week. I hadn’t eaten all day. I had to stay late at work because we were trying to meet a tight deadline. I came home just in time to drop off our daughter, kiss our son, and walk back out the door because I was running late for rehearsal. I just wanted to come home and lay down. S. wanted to have a conversation and I just tuned him out.
Even writing it, it seems petty, but I honestly couldn’t help it. I have been a combination of moody, angry, emotional, and weepy for the past week and some change. I went to the doctor to have some blood drawn because the last time I had those symptoms, I was found to be severely Vitamin D deficient and have an estrogen count 6 times above what normal ranges should be. So, I went back.
I went back and had them run all these tests with all these vials of blood and now I’m in a #tww of a different kind. I have until next week to wait and discover why I am always nauseous. Why I always feel like crying. Why I have pelvic cramps when I’m no where near ovulation. And why I go from 0 to screaming in t minus 30. I don’t know what’s going on, but I don’t like it.
And I’m praying that I feel better really soon.