Four years ago today, I stood before God and loved ones and promised to love FatherWinter with all that was in me. I promised that I would honor him and love him. I promised I would be an encouragement, a motivator, a lover, a confidant, and a friend. I had no idea that those words would be tested every single day.
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| Four years and forever to go… |
In writing this blog post, I searched others. I wanted to see if any of the posts would be like mine, unfiltered, unadulterated, just real. I was pleasantly surprised to see that several were.
In the four years that FatherWinter and I have been married one to another, we’ve experienced some really great and amazing highs and some pretty awful and devastating lows. There have been times when I have been so filled with love, joy, and affection I couldn’t stand it. Then, there have been times when I haven’t been sure I wanted to walk the path anymore. Times when I doubted if the effort was worth the tears.
There have been times when my very faith has been tested, times when I have spent more times talking to God than to my own spouse (not that there is anything wrong with that). That’s just what it is. BUT, and I emphasis that BUT, we are still here–together. My husband has been my sounding board. He’s been honest and direct and no nonsense. He’s been playful and silly and annoying. He’s been strong and caring and sincere. He has been the absolute best and the absolute worst. He has been mine and I have been his.
Marriage is a commitment. It really is. I remember seeing family members who had been married for decades, a century and beyond. I remember seeing in their elder years how close they were, how affectionate, how sweet and loving. I remember thinking in passing it would be nice to have that it I ever got married. As I got older, I remember some of those same family members telling me that their place of serenity wasn’t achieved overnight. They even shared stories of gross inconsideration that I would gasp at in disbelief. They laughed about it in latter days, but in their youth; those inconsiderate moments were no laughing matter.
I imagine all marriages have experienced that in some way or another. Mine is certainly no different. I can certainly say I’m blessed to be married to FatherWinter and I love him very much. So what has four years of marriage taught me?
I am stronger than I was four years ago. I know that I am capable of handling a lot. I know that I have the ability to contribute, to motivate, to produce, to succeed. I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I know the attributes of a Godly woman and a Godly wife and I strive to achieve them everyday. That being said, I still have a ways to go before I’m satisfied with the process and truthfully pray that satisfaction never comes.
I still get butterflies. Call it what you will, but when my husband walks into the room with a sleeveless T-shirt and jeans, my heart flips. When I see him playing with our children and rolling on the floor with his nieces and nephews, my heart melts. He’s still handsome to me. I still like his smile. I still want his arms around me. I still get butterflies.
I am more than a wife and mom. I have learned in the four years that I have been married, and the nine (almost ten) that I have been a mother that sometimes I need me time. I mean I really need it. If I don’t get it, I get cranky and frustrated and burned out and not fun to be around. I’m getting close to that mark right now and am secretly planning an early evening escape one day soon so I can just spend some alone time with me, myself, and I. FatherWinter has told me on numerous occasions that I need to take care of myself and I plan to do that. It’s a great thing when you have a spouse who recognizes that.
Everything isn’t for everybody. I have learned in my four years I can’t vent to everyone. I used to call on mom when FatherWinter would ‘wreck my nerves’. I had to stop. When the nerve wrecking ended and FatherWinter and I were all hugs, kisses, and compromises, mom would still remember. While she has never been mean or nasty to him, I realized the possibility existed that her opinion of FatherWinter could change based on a miscommunication or simple disagreement. That would be unfair. So, I have learned to keep a lot to myself. If I do need a human outlet, I go to the same trusted happily married friend who can let me vent, but hold me accountable for my part in whatever it is I’m venting about. And she has been phenomenal.
Finally, the fun stuff….
My favorite moment as a wife. It’s pretty obscure, but I think my favorite moment as a wife was when we were on our way to our first anniversary trip. We were at Miami International Airport preparing to go through security before leaving for our anniversary cruise. There were a lot of people in the security queue and the TSA agent was separating people and placing them in lines to attempt to make the queues process faster. FatherWinter and I were walking through the long line to get to the queue buildup when the guard allowed me to pass, and then very quickly, tried to send FatherWinter to a different line. FatherWinter stated “no” and continued to move forward behind me. The agent looked ready to get nasty, but FatherWinter said. “that’s my wife!” in a soft even tone I hadn’t heard before that brooked no argument. In that tone, I heard “the woman in front of me is my wife and I will protect her. I’m behind her because I have her back. I’m protesting being separated from her because I love her and if I am separated from her, I won’t be able to protect her as I desire. So, I will not be separated from her.” Of course he didn’t say all of that, but it’s what I felt and it was one of the few times I’ve ever felt his protection so palpable. It was a favorite moment.
What I hope our next wedded year will bring. Pregnancy. Unity. Love. Smiles. And lots of date nights.
4th Wedding Anniversary Tradition Gifts. Fruit/Flowers. This should be easy lol.
Happy Anniversary, FatherWinter. I love you very much.
-WinterMommy
