anniversary anniversary 2016 family

Happy Anniversary!!!

Today marks the day I stood before God and loved ones and pledged my life in marriage to S. It’s been an interesting four years. Great moments. Horrible moments. Moments filled with undeniable love. Moments filled with harsh pain. But we have prevailed and travailed together. I’m so glad he is my husband, so glad to be his wife, and so glad I get to spend my tonight with him.  But acknowledging our wedding anniversary would not be complete if we didn’t acknowledge the other anniversary too. The other one. The sad one.

Four years ago today, S. and I began the first night of trying to conceive. We just knew it would be an easy thing. We wanted a huge family. S. has a huge family, an extremely fertile full family. Bets were already being made as to how long it would take us to conceive. Most of the family expected a pregnancy announcement a few weeks after the honeymoon. A year later, they were still waiting.

In hindsight, we really should have went to the doctor sooner. We should have pushed the issue harder. I asked our Ob/Gyn and the first time she simply said we were trying too hard. When I went back months later and begged for help, she ran tests and found the Hashimoto’s and the hormone shifts. Those were perfectly treatable she said. And so we did. And nothing happened. In the meantime, we began our journey to adoption which has always been a plan of ours. Still, nothing happened biologically. We then received disappointments when prospective matches didn’t work out. When we were about to lose hope, there was our beautiful baby ready for a forever family.  And though the journey to forever wasn’t quick or easy, she was ours. She was covered in love and has been to this very day. Still, we wanted to try and conceive biologically for additional siblings for the family and our love of children.

The IUI was a long shot. We knew it. By now, we’ve learned that S.’s swimmers aren’t that plentiful and, if not abnormal, are sluggish at best. But we tried anyway. The #TWW was excruciating. The hope that something would work…The #BFN we received wasn’t unexpected. But it still hurt all the same.

Tonight, I sit looking at my husband with the deepest amount of love and affection.  I’m so glad he is who he is and that our lives are so interconnected.  We just watched the video of the night he proposed to me.  It was my first time seeing it.  And it was beautiful.  The entire memory was beautiful.  I’m looking forward to continuing to #ttc, but in the event it doesn’t happen.  In the event God has something different planned for us, I won’t regret a thing.
Happy Anniversary, S.

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