So, I’m not currently on a medicated cycle. I don’t know when I’ll have the ability to once again be on an Reproductive assisted cycle. We simply cannot afford it right now. So, for the moment, all I can do is try naturally. So far, nothing doing.
I was turned on to an app called Optia by the ladies in the Instagram #TTC community. I’d been using the Glow app and, while it captured good information, I’d not seen results in the year that I’d been working with it. The Optia app offered more of a medical insight on everything I’m going through in my body. It also gave me a fertility phase and chance of fertility scale that was more user-friendly (in my opinion) than Glow. So, I’ve been trying it while simultaneously monitoring my stats on the Glow app.
This past week, I was at an extremely fertile. I should have known it because I felt like She-ra, Princess of Power for a while there. I think I scared S. I was so…um…anxious to see him. I looked at the app and realized I was at a 27 on the fertility scale! First of all, I’ve NEVER seen a number that high. But considering how I felt like I could bench press a bus, it matched. So, we baby danced several times, several nights. As is true with my body, I felt She-ra leave and regular me return. Now, according to both apps, I have to wait two weeks before testing. So, here I am.
I really want this to work. I really want to be pregnant. I really want to carry S.’s child. I want to see his face break into a huge grin as he realizes that he is going to be a daddy…again, but for the first time as well. But, once again, I’m not sure it will happen L.
I’ve had cramps off and on all day. At first I thought it could possibly be implantation, but nope. No spotting. I’m doing the same stupid things I do every month, but promise myself I won’t do like going to Babycenter’s due date calendar and calculating due dates and milestones. I’m contemplating when I can #poas and get an accurate response. I’m looking at maternity clothes. I’m a mess. And I do it monthly. UGH!
Today, right now even as I draft this post, my secondary screen is open to forums on Pre-seed and Secondary infertility. The cramps are coming with disappointing regularity and I am ready for another failure. I keep trying to think positive, but it will be four years at the end of this month.
I need something to work. Sigh…
Here’s waiting two weeks….Good luck to us.
-K
