Hi guys! I apologize for being off the blog for a bit. It’s been sort of cray in my world with work obligations, home obligations, hoot just life. I wanted to spend some time playing catch up, was drafting a post for review, and then this conversation happened. Afterwards, I debated sharing it, but writing has always been peaceful and healing to me—there is no reason it shouldn’t be now. So, let’s share, okay?
The other night I was lying in the bed reading a book when S. walked in and asked seemingly out of the blue if we were ready to adopt again. I looked up slowly from my tablet and said “I don’t know”. Guys, I honestly have no idea why I answered that way because truth be told his asking was just a confirmation of the ache that has been on my heart recently. I’ve been thinking more and more about adding another blessing to our family, but I felt firmly led that we should be a forever family to an adoptive child. I believe it so sincerely that I actually spoke that when asked by an associate last week. I spoke that I would love to adopt again, AND that I hoped God would allow us to add to our family twice more before He decides our quiver is full. That things has held me with an intense yearning even as I love and nurture our little ones. There is a part of me that wonders if there is a child who needs a mommy to read to him or her at night, to be tucked into warm sheets, and bake cookies…to kiss owies, and to show that the world is not all evil and neglectful and that loving parents and people do exist. I am so ready to start.
BUT, I am equally terrified. When the idea dropped in my heart, I spoke in my mind “Really, God? Are you sure? I mean, baby A. is only 6 months (at the time). Honeybee and Bug are a great deal of responsibility to boot. Are you sure this is what you want? I think I want the same, but is that hormones or is this really real?” The feeling hasn’t gone away ya’ll and I am not sure it will.
So, what does that mean? It means, in all honesty, that I don’t know if we are ready, but I am willing to take some time to figure it out. I plan on praying and seeking God’s face on this earnestly. A child is way too precious a gift and too huge a responsibility to enter into flippantly. It isn’t all easy and the adoption journey can be draining. But I think that’s where I am leaning and, if S. is asking, then it means God has been speaking to his heart as well. Let’s see what God says.
Keep us in your prayers.
-K
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