Oh my! When I posted my weekly “Marriage Monday” question, I had no idea of the responses, DMs, and fun I would be having. You guys are absolutely amazing and I love it!
So, in case you missed the image above and the post on my Instagram timeline, I asked the visitors the last time they asked their spouses if there was any thing they’d done that required forgiveness. Full disclaimer, this question was not a completely organic creation, but the result of a commentary on a friend’s page that made me sit up and take notice! (‘Take notice’ in this case means dropped all kinds of things on my figurative toes. )
Now, when this question emerged, I didn’t want to ask it of my husband because (full transparency), afraid of what his answer would be. I love my husband very much and I know he loves me, but sometimes we can not like each other and/or each other’s (in)actions. I am sure that can spur some not some nice glance or quotes. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one lol.
I’m not prepared to go into this battle… asking this is walking into Area 51 (😂😂😂 )
Simply_jemimah
Anywho, I posted the question and ya’ll did not fail, 🤣! In addition to the DM responses and some candid shares that also stepped on my toes, Ms. @simply_jemimah put it best! This beautiful spirit said “…asking this is walking into Area 51…” LOL and I felt that thing in my absolute soul!!! I wholeheartedly admit to feeling convicted when I read the question and realized that if I felt that way, then it was truly for me and (I daresay) for some of the visitors as well. So, how do we approach the subject of possible hurt and forgiveness when dealing with our spouse?
- Keep it private. You don’t want an audience for this. Find a nice quiet place where the two of you can speak uninterrupted without curious eyes or confirming or rejecting nods and stares from the peanut gallery.
- Approach in peace. Just asking the question of a need for forgiveness is a worry for some because–truthfully–we know. Well, most of the time we know. If there was a fight a couple of weeks ago or a barbed comment that we never really apologized for, just kind of rubbed backs and kept it moving, we know. With that in mind, approach without a chip on your shoulder. Go in calm and open.
- Be willing to hear what you don’t want to hear. Your spouse may say that everything is great and there is nothing that requires forgiveness. BUT, he or she may just let you know that they are carrying hurt from something you said or did. Now if not the time to be defensive. Consider that, even if something was lost in interpretation, the pain and hurt he or she experienced as a result is real. Deal with that first.
- Be sincere in wanting your spouse to walk away “unchained”. Joseph Nolan, a blogger with The Healthy Marriage.org stated he liked the analogy of forgiveness as a chain. He spoke that “We forgive so we are not chained to them (or the event that hurt us) for the rest of our lives. Now take that same thought process for the person who would appreciate your asking their forgiveness. Some people carry that subconscious pain of an event or hurt for a very long time. You want them “unchained” and free from that pain.
- Make sure you forgive you, too. No one should ever want to hurt their spouse. Otherwise, what is the point of being married. As such, you may feel absolutely horrible if you find out that pain is exactly what you have caused. As you receive forgiveness from your spouse, make sure you forgive yourself. Don’t beat yourself up. Pick yourself up, make adjustments, and move forward with your spouse together. Remember Colossians 3:13 and that at the end of the day it is you and your spouse against the world. You have this.
So, there you have it. I’m curious. Is this a conversation you have had with your spouse? Leave a comment below.
-K
