Good morning! Happy Marriage Monday! If you’re a follower of my Instagram account, then you know that recently Mondays have been dedicated to posts or thoughts about marriage. Today is no different. As with some of my other posts, today’s post was inspired by a conversation I had with my husband, S.
While discussing the family budget with my family this weekend, I mentioned my willingness to delay hair appointments and “girly” time and purchases if it helped the family to plan for some major things that will be coming the next few months. My dear husband laughed (how dare he 😂) and said “No, hair care is always an essential”.
The fact that someone loves you doesn’t rescue you from the project of loving yourself.
SAHAJ KOHLI | Writer
Some people won’t get the discussion, but I remember a similar statement made earlier in our marriage. During a marital discussion with another married couple, we were told “self-care should always be treated as essential, both in marriage and in life”. This was from a couple that has been married over 28 years. I suppose the real question is “do I listen”.
Not nearly as much as I should. Fortunately, I do recognize how important to my marriage it is for me to take care of my mind, body, and spirit. Otherwise I do a huge disservice to the family.
What Happens When I Don’t Practice Self-Care?
You all know I try to keep it completely transparent with you all. When I don’t take care of myself, I can get irritated so much easier over the small things. A simple request to do something I feel could be done by the person who asked me can annoy me to no end. I can be snippy and short. I also find myself withdrawing from my family. I unintentionally and subconciously limit extra interactions. 😢. If I am this way to my spouse (or if he is that way to me), we are both doing our marriage a huge disservice. Not only that, we are showing our children an improper view of marital interaction.
So, Hair Care and Manis?
There is a common misconception that self-care for women means spa days and brunches. While there is nothing wrong with these activities if it is your way of escape, it’s not the only way to self-care. Self-care includes meditation, praying, hiking, cooking, farming, gardening, therapy, even golfing. Self-care is finding the tools and/or methods that work best for you to become the best person you can possibly be in all aspects of your life–spouse, parent, employee, employer, relative, friend.
What Are The Benefits of Self-Care in Marriage?
I was doing some research on this topic after talking with S. and stumbled across an article on Focus on the Family. There was a quote that really spoke to me from the authors of The DNA of Relationships for Couples.
“Caring for yourself, sometimes referred to as self-care, is the process of fully receiving God’s love and provision and sharing them with others.”
Dr. Greg Smalley and Dr. Robert S. Paul
The article went on to explain that some people find God’s love in nature (i.e. farming, hiking, gardening). For others, it is found in things like literature. For a favorite couple of mine, their individual self-care activities include motorcycle riding or watching movies. Taking the time to take care of yourself and allow the love of God to flow into you is an opportunity to develop a deeper intimacy with your spouse, reduce the frustrations of life that can contribute to medical issues (i.e. stress, high blood pressure, migraines, etc.), and experience peace and refreshment that you can share in your marriage and life.
The Bottom Line
A very good friend of mine once said that it is way too hard to love someone if you are having trouble loving yourself. Self-care is the ultimate way of showing love of yourself and love for your spouse. By taking care of your mental, physical, and emotional needs, you position yourself to provide the best of yourself to marriage and life. I have absolutely NO issue with that.
